I am tired

I am very tired to think what have i fail to do recently in life....I cant imagine myself drown in the flood of failure....I could not think that this would happen to me in life as i use to think it will only affect other people but now me.... I seems to have no choice... Even my family member could shed tears in front of me....I am always so negative in many ways and this is the fact if there were not any setbacks in my whole life until now, i wont be nagative... I would rather be happy and smile everytime....The problem is that i cant hide my emotions from people around me...They would usually know whether am i happy or not....I cant seems to run away from set backs in life... I have to face it....one day i would just fall while fighting the battle all alone....I will try to fight but whether will i make it anot, i have really no idea...In my wushu life, i hated to be lousy... I wanted to do something that my friends cant.. I wanted to carve future in there but i dont seems to make any signficant improvements...I got to do 400 situps everynight 50 push ups and 100 'bei ji' just to let myself stay in good condition cause not is my exam periods while i have not much time to stay focus on wushu...All the efforts i put in are just like giving myself more army rations to eat in the war... All i could do is to take risks and hope then i will not fall in these battle. I hope to suceed but i cannot accept the setback and failure in front of me... I now realise that i not only to have tackle my wushu and studies but also families problem...It seems that problems coming right after one another is countlesss... i had to put myself in my own mind to think that whether am i doing the right thing or not... There is a large dispute among my family members and relatives... some times i wanted to go to a place to calm myself down and work on my dreams and tagets rather than facing all these things that will only anger me... My self now feel with despair, agony and hatred that i vow to make my targets and goals come real and help those now are in need...i promise