Really Gotta Work Hard

I really dun want to let all my friends and most important myself down.....I really hated myself for not being able to excel in wushu at this period of time....I really wanted to give myself a hard punch in my own very face for not being hard working in wushu...I really do not have a training place to train myself...At home my parents and siblings were always at home and i cant train with my fullest concentration..They just kinda irrtated me cause they ruined my schecudle plan and i really need to find a new training place in order to train....I asked myself that where should i train, the answer is in my own school and i dun know where liao...I never had the chance that i could have peace in training and my family member would always disrupt me from doing it...I hate it...I detest it.....I never take a single glance at it....I wish that i could train everday at least 2 hours a day and that would help me alot...From now onward those who try to stop or disturb me from training peacefully, I will not have a second thought but to use force and agressive tone....I had no choice but to do that because my passion for wushu will never die out...I once tell myself to give it all up once and for all but i cant do that and it seems that it hurts me whenever i feel like giving up...It also hurts me that whenevr i cant do something, it hurts me...I pushes me to give up but i do not want that cruel option....I really hate life to be that way... I felt that i could not take setbacks anymore in life... I felt that i am at the end edge of my life.. The only thing that i can do in life now is to try to achieve what i can do now...I knew that it is going to take alot of money for me to go to training centre to train...So sad to say that i do not have alot of money now due to some family problems... I really hope that i could that by training myself , i still would be able to make something big of myself....I only could watch youtube videos and set as a good example for me to follow....Whether i do it the correct way or not ,,, I had not idea but i would try my very best to analysis the movement before trying it out... I am afraid that i would again...But i need to have the confidence now whether i like it or not and in whatever i do i wil have to just do my best and accept mistakes and do not ever ever ever give up the hope that is still left in me...