P.E.R.F.E.C.T

Today as usual, i had lesson on friday all the way from 8 morning to 4 in the evening. I am so tired...Like i am usual too, i meet alot of sad thing in my life....Today, a relieve teacher called ms janice came in to my class to teach us english language...We were all discussing a passage of comprehension that is called 'procatination'...I felt that the passage was very meaninful that talk and describe the life of a student..Ms janice came to a point that she talk about people who are 'perfectionists'...I did not know the words true meaning till now man!!! No wonder i have a wierd thinking....Perfectionists are people who will stick to the certain thing that they are focusing on, they will not move on to the next thing until the pervious thing they are doing is completely perfect....I found this definition very useful...I truly agree that there are no real perfectionists in the human world as invidual people have their bad points and flaws....I can agree to that people could be perfectionists in a certain area in life...Maybe sports, studies, life skills.... I have no answer, it all depend on how the person see and judge things in life.... Another thing that have caught my eyes is that the moment that ms janice talk about perfectionist, i felt that i am always trying to be one perfectionists in life...But after countless time i have fail many times...I truly asked myself that why in wushu i could not still do well in that area....I have been asking myslef this question all this time while, i could not find an answer.. Even if i have found it, i may now know that the answer is correct or wrong.... I felt so afraid that i might fall in the wrong path of thinking...I am always trying to be a perfectionists in wushu... But it seems that i have failed... It is my job to carry on working on harder and strive as far as i could but still i need to see in what directions that i have gone wrong.... I told myself i will not be a wushu wimp because that i hate to be lousy, in everything i do i will never be the lousest.....I hate failures....I need to train very hard, i got to promise over and over again to let myself to gain more confidence so that i can continue to train for the better...Everytime i am lazy to train for wushu, i will always give myself a pain reminder that how people use to look down on my wushu.. I hope that will really give a hard thug in my heart so that i will not slack so much... I promise that i will be something big when i grow up......

I seems to have no chance

I felt that i was in fact getting more busy and had no time for training...For that i felt very depressed...I had no choice but to settle my exam first but i felt very sad not being able to train wushu.....I dun felt like giving up cause i think there is still one percent hope left for me....Do not be surprised that actually the one percent hope would turn into a good opportunity for me...I seriuosly do not feel like giving up on wushu....Many people had been asking me to do that but i certainly could not do that....Just because all the years i went through for wushu training, many people would say that i had not win any medals or any sportsmanship award...I felt a very sharp pain in my heart everytime people said this to me....I just could not accept that fact...But i felt that statement is very logical and it makes sense...All these years i had been training for wushu, will not be gone to waste...I want to continue futher and move on without looking back...I asked my self why during the years that i have been training for wushu, i had achieved nothing yet....This question i asked myself left a very big scar in me....I think for very long and i think that i had not being training hard enough...All these years i have been slacking and not working hard to acieve my goals....I had enough of all theese sadness, i really wanted to achieve something for wushu...I dont wanna be empty handed at the end of the day.....It seems that nothing kept me going anymore....I had use all my chances and i am left with nothing....Except that my strong passion for wushu will never change...Thats just something that i cannot change...I had a secret in my mind that i do not tell anyone else cause it is really a big secrets of secrets that i wanted to keep in myself...I am afraid that if this secret is being told, many people will be affected and i certainly do not want that to happen....But i always have been searching for miracle that luck would be on me so that i could say this secret out to this particularly to one person without anybody being emotionally being hurt....I dun wanna see all these bad thing happen to all my family anf friends.....If that would to happen , i could not forgive myself for causing all these....Back to my wushu, i will not give up...But i do not have the proper place to train in....I have been searching a good environment for me to seriously train but until i still could not find....Thats very sad indeed...I wish after my exams a wushu coach would just take me as his/her student and train me everyday...Any wushu coach will do!!!! as long i have a teacher for me to train with and share experiences with...I really wish that!!! if thats happens , the chance for me to suceed will increase....Please i really really really really really wish that senario would happen.....

Not so long....

Like my friend blog, he said in there that he would say all the sad things in his blog...Like me i did it too.I wanna express all my sadness and despair in my life....Today got a very bad luck day, i was very fu*cking annoying with the xaxier in my class ...he play with basket ball then his ball hit me man...I was so angry that i was playing with my i touch and my i touch smashed on the ground...I was damn Fuc*ing angry with him...He at class room play basket ball some more....Luckily that my i touch got cover protect it then so far nothing spoil... Lucky me!!!!! I hate his this kind of person man...I felt like he a asshole at that time...



Yesterday i finished my lesson at 4.30 and very tired....I went to see my sch wushu training at the 4th floor...Haha i was so happy to see rui yan jiao lian cause i so long never see her liao...I told her that i wont be coming for training cause i got a national exam coming in my way...Thanks god!!!! she said okay ....Hahaha i so long never see her liao, then when see her my feeling very wierd leh...I dun know how to express my feelings...So long never see her ever since at kampong chai chee community centre...Haha kinda feel very happy to see her and a little bit wierd....Haha

So long....

hah it has been so long that i have just log in to my blog....I have beed very busy with my life but still i have some probelms stuck in my mind that i think for a long time....During friday it was my sch celebrating nation day...It was one of my happiest moment cause I managed to get the oscar award for good cca performance...I felt that the award was not so important cause that i find the award not really that grand...But nevermind i still got an award, it is common for me to happy happy a while...I felt that national day is a very meaningful day where my sch celebrated as one big family on that happy day...And i finally got my apple i touch back from my cousins...I can finally use it to go face book and twitter...I am so happy for all things i had in life...I think for so long that i am really contented with all the things i had already had now...But what hurts me is my n levels in coming really very soon...I had to spend most of my time to my studies and could not train hard for my beloved wushu...I have been lagging in that man!!!! I think i already fall back abit from my friends... I hate to lose man!! But not to worry, I need to make this pressure in me to change it into energy for me to work harder...Today i will not be going for my sch wushu training...I wonder in my mind that will guang yao blame me for not coming today...I cannot imagine that if he would blame me... I am so afraid that would really happy.....that will affect me life man cause it will let me think of that everytime and i feel that will always stuck in my mind..To matter what, i am going to make it big in wushu....Pls god help me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What hurts me the most!!!

I agree that there are many ups and downs in life....Today at my wushu training at school during 3.30, i trained nandao the whole training and my hands and legs really pain like hell cause the nandao so heavy.....Guang yao jiao lian scolded me when he is correcting my nandao routines movements...I think that a coach who scolds is a good coach because if a coach never scolds, he is not concerned with the current situation....I can bear all the scoldings of my jiao lian but i i cannot bear that i did not manage to improve...I hated so much that i did not improve today...My target and my goal are drawn futher away from me...I had a little time to train and at the same time to concentrate on my studies....I need to stay strong and i have to be have a goof fighting sprit...My goals of becoming a singapore based athlete, is getting futher and deeper....I am very afraid that i might lose it when the time comes...It all happen in just the matter of time only....I cant say that life is unfair for me because it is my earnest and most sincere duty to work hard and try my very best in everything i do in life....Everytime i i think of myself that i did not improve in wushu, My hearts aches and it hurts me alot...In life, it is like i have a life gauge and once it is completely depeted, i falls with no arms or any support helping me. I felt that i am alone...I fight this battle myself... I am displaying a one man show....I felt that i need to put more pressure into myself to improve wushu...I knew that it is not that simple but i still got to do it whether i like it or not.....I now hold a very tight grip in wushu, but i do not know when is the time that i will have to let go of it.... I always wanted to put all my sadness on this blog so that it can help share my loads of dissapointment, burden, despair and setbacks... I will not feel so stress... I wanted to give it my best in wushu... Tmr i will be receiving an oscar award for wushu given by my sch... This award do give me a very small amount of hope but it does not pull me out from the hole of despair...Tmr i just wanted to reported to sch early to gather in parade square ......good night and sweet dreams........

I am not going to fall down