I seems to have no chance

I felt that i was in fact getting more busy and had no time for training...For that i felt very depressed...I had no choice but to settle my exam first but i felt very sad not being able to train wushu.....I dun felt like giving up cause i think there is still one percent hope left for me....Do not be surprised that actually the one percent hope would turn into a good opportunity for me...I seriuosly do not feel like giving up on wushu....Many people had been asking me to do that but i certainly could not do that....Just because all the years i went through for wushu training, many people would say that i had not win any medals or any sportsmanship award...I felt a very sharp pain in my heart everytime people said this to me....I just could not accept that fact...But i felt that statement is very logical and it makes sense...All these years i had been training for wushu, will not be gone to waste...I want to continue futher and move on without looking back...I asked my self why during the years that i have been training for wushu, i had achieved nothing yet....This question i asked myself left a very big scar in me....I think for very long and i think that i had not being training hard enough...All these years i have been slacking and not working hard to acieve my goals....I had enough of all theese sadness, i really wanted to achieve something for wushu...I dont wanna be empty handed at the end of the day.....It seems that nothing kept me going anymore....I had use all my chances and i am left with nothing....Except that my strong passion for wushu will never change...Thats just something that i cannot change...I had a secret in my mind that i do not tell anyone else cause it is really a big secrets of secrets that i wanted to keep in myself...I am afraid that if this secret is being told, many people will be affected and i certainly do not want that to happen....But i always have been searching for miracle that luck would be on me so that i could say this secret out to this particularly to one person without anybody being emotionally being hurt....I dun wanna see all these bad thing happen to all my family anf friends.....If that would to happen , i could not forgive myself for causing all these....Back to my wushu, i will not give up...But i do not have the proper place to train in....I have been searching a good environment for me to seriously train but until i still could not find....Thats very sad indeed...I wish after my exams a wushu coach would just take me as his/her student and train me everyday...Any wushu coach will do!!!! as long i have a teacher for me to train with and share experiences with...I really wish that!!! if thats happens , the chance for me to suceed will increase....Please i really really really really really wish that senario would happen.....