What hurts me the most!!!

I agree that there are many ups and downs in life....Today at my wushu training at school during 3.30, i trained nandao the whole training and my hands and legs really pain like hell cause the nandao so heavy.....Guang yao jiao lian scolded me when he is correcting my nandao routines movements...I think that a coach who scolds is a good coach because if a coach never scolds, he is not concerned with the current situation....I can bear all the scoldings of my jiao lian but i i cannot bear that i did not manage to improve...I hated so much that i did not improve today...My target and my goal are drawn futher away from me...I had a little time to train and at the same time to concentrate on my studies....I need to stay strong and i have to be have a goof fighting sprit...My goals of becoming a singapore based athlete, is getting futher and deeper....I am very afraid that i might lose it when the time comes...It all happen in just the matter of time only....I cant say that life is unfair for me because it is my earnest and most sincere duty to work hard and try my very best in everything i do in life....Everytime i i think of myself that i did not improve in wushu, My hearts aches and it hurts me alot...In life, it is like i have a life gauge and once it is completely depeted, i falls with no arms or any support helping me. I felt that i am alone...I fight this battle myself... I am displaying a one man show....I felt that i need to put more pressure into myself to improve wushu...I knew that it is not that simple but i still got to do it whether i like it or not.....I now hold a very tight grip in wushu, but i do not know when is the time that i will have to let go of it.... I always wanted to put all my sadness on this blog so that it can help share my loads of dissapointment, burden, despair and setbacks... I will not feel so stress... I wanted to give it my best in wushu... Tmr i will be receiving an oscar award for wushu given by my sch... This award do give me a very small amount of hope but it does not pull me out from the hole of despair...Tmr i just wanted to reported to sch early to gather in parade square ......good night and sweet dreams........