Being Hidden In The Dark Side

i wannted to write this post as i really want to vent my anger on how much i missed a girl who already has a boy friend....i gotta be frank with myself... i really missed her, i would act differently if she does not have a boyfriend and perhaps i do not want to spoil her relationships with her current boyfriend... cause i know how is it like when someone break up relationships with you and your girlfrend... In the end i am always the one to get hurt and have all the scar on my mental mind.... as i am writing the post i missed her so much even i am going to see her tmr in class, but i really wanted to see her now, i hated the fact why am i so slow and retard useless when it comes to relationships..... Tell me why GOD? why did u do this to me when i haveen even comitted anything evil in my life.... I did not do anything that go against my guilt and why i am facing somehthing so painful... I decided that after my first semester finish, i wanted to tell her my feeling towards her, befor ei regret for ot telling her.... I have amny dark past, i wnated to be clear to her... I hope things will change for the better and if not i will be stuck in the dark side forever... I am missing her too much even now, i cant seems to forget her, i tried many times but the more i tried, it failed me and it bring me more pain than ever.. I cant denied the fact how much i liked her.... The reason for me liking her i think it due to her dutiful and high in conscientious qualities in her... I really like her correcting me when i do something silly... That were the times that really enjoyed very much.... Also i kinda think that she is a kind of girl that think very positively....i really liked her very much, even it is my frst time cant forget a girl... Due my dating past experiences, i could forget a girl easily but not this time anymore..... I am in deep shit, as my exams are around the corner and at this point of time i am still thiking abut all this shit..... After the 15 weeks and everything will end , not more suffering more me and the real feelings will be shown out, i already know the answer but yet i still wanted to tell her no matter what.... i have to be brave enough or i will lose out even in the small matters......