STUCKIN THE MIDDLE OF THE SEA

i have very messy feeling this few days, whether it is a happy or sad one, i cannot even tell it myself... I am like in the daze, not knowing the happening around me... Gotta work hard for UT 3 man! can afford to slack.... Tmr still got wushu training man!!!! The thing that i hate is nid to clean up the stupid damn weapon room which i am not going to do so.... This is something like a rubbish, what everybody is in one team, when one suffer everyone suffers when one happy everyone stay happy. This is completely completely bull shit stuffs... The person who says this is also a pussy for say this.... Let me tell u y? I could tell in times of hard times, all of them will run and will not wait for you, they will just think for themselves.... BY having bonding sessions, eating tgt after training, these are alll fucking bullshits activities that waste time and effort. Cause they will never help in times when the real trouble comes... Like i said , the only person u can trust in RP is yourselves, when some other ppl comes to u and tell u a certain thing, u have to place a 50-50 believe and not believe into it. From there u will see which is the path to take.....Fucking ass shit, i do not even want to clean what weapon room, it is a fucking waste of my time. Also in the first place, i do not mind training in an environment that have no carpet, the most important thing is have coach can alr... The most important thing is that u improved or learn something new can alr.... Nothing seems to be more important thing than that. Those people who claim before u learn wushu must learn attitude lah, mind set lah and all the rubbish are all plain bull shiters. I can tell they never even learn it themselves and somemore want ppl to learn it... Stupid idiots! tmr i will just go and train and see what i can do to improve myself futher and btw i cant give up even though i know that i am in a low level... I must not give up even though i have no motivaters to motivate me in training..... If i wan to improve, i gotta do it myself and not wait for ppl to come and tell me. seriously, WHEN IS THE TIME WHEN I REALLY CAN SEE THE MAX IMPROVEMENTS? WHEN IS THE TIME WHEN I COULD OVERCOME MY INNER FEAR? WHEN IS THE TIME I COULD HAVE A STRONG URGE TO ACCOMPLISH MY GOALS? WHEN IS THE TIME WHERE I COULD HAVEA STRONG AND UNBEATABLE FIGHTING SPRIT? WHEN IS THE TIME WHERE I COULD FIND THE TRUE MEANING OF BEING AN EXPERT? these are all the things i have in my mind for so long that i did not express it out...